Bar Refaeli’s* Sportsman of the Month!

Bar Refaeli stopped by last night to laugh and talk of memories past.  I nearly needed a change of shorts when she told me she was very excited….by Tennessee’s run to the Sweet 16.  She proceeded to drop some NCAA knowledge on me, including her Sportsman of the Month.  It seems she’s been following the tournament closely, and was impressed by Bruce Pearl nearly coaching his team past Greg Oden and OSU. 

La’Chaim Bruce, your efforts during March pleased Bar, and in my book thats a mitzvah.  The hard work you’ve put in throughout your career won you Ms. Refaeli’s favor, which is all anyone could ever hope for.  She even laughed about the fact that you were a volunteer mascot during college.  Enjoy your April, Bruce, reflect on the time you’ve spent at three fine universities, and the players you’ve coached along the way.  Who knows maybe she’ll pick you again some day.

*Writers note – As you may or may not know, Bar is one of the chosen people**, and so are all of her Sportsmen of the Month.

**Writers note – JEWS, YA MORON.

(bar)

Preseason Predictions – The NL Central

  Baseball season is only a few days away and we at Hurricanes are for Drinking would be remiss if we didn’t supply you with some predictions about who will win what, and how.  Today we continue our brief outlook with the NL Central, where the World Series Champions reside.

The Bottom

The Pittsburgh Pirates are an unfortunate bunch of perennial losers.  Most of their best players have jumped ship or inexplicably lost their stuff and left town for 10 cents on the dollar.  Recently however, the front office has made a concerted effort to keep their stars in town.  Canadian Jason Bay is their big bopper, and he’s preceeded in the lineup by the reigning NL Batting champ, Freddy Sanchez.  Scrappy shortstop Jack Wilson, Xavier Nady, newly acquired Adam LaRoche, and potential star Ronny Paulino fill out the lineup. Stud prospect Andrew McCutchen will start the season at Double-A, but could advance quickly.  The collection of talent greatly exceeds what the club has put together in recent history, and coupled with a number of young talented pitchers led by lefty Zach Duke, the Bucs could put together a fairly solid season.  The central saw improvement from the top down, and they are still a very young team so 75-80 wins would be a nice turn around season.

Football, apple pie, and law suits…

Some people like to say “….as American as apple pie.” I prefer “as American as a law suit.”  Grady Jackson, the behemoth defensive tackle who weighed in last season at around 360 pounds, agrees with me, and to show his support, he is suing his employer, the Atlanta Falcons. 

Falcons’ officials beleive the lawsuit is a ploy by Jackson’s agent to net a new contract with the team.  He is scheduled to earn 1.5 million dollars each of the next two seasons, after having earned the veterans minimum in the first year of the deal.  Jackson is suing for defamation and invasion of privacy, stating that the team released private information regarding his health to the media.  Falcons’ officials couldn’t be reached for a response, but usually no one ever responds to my calls, not even my mother.

(grady)

Stick to your day job…

Funnyman Eddie Griffin, whose best role to date has been as the Afro sportin’ crime fighting Under Cover Brother, nearly killed himself early today while piloting a rare Enzo Ferrari.

Luckily for Griffin, the car doesn’t belong to him, and he escaped the crash unscathed.  Unluckily for his executive producer, Daniel Sadek, the car’s owner, only 400 Enzos were produced and the vehicle is most likely beyond repair.  The price tag on an Enzo is over 1.5 million dollars.  The car is so exclusive that Ferrari only sold it to customers who had purchased two previous Ferraris. 

(era bella…pardon the babelfish translation.)

Preseason Predicitions – The NL West

Baseball season is only two weeks away and we at Hurricanes are for Drinking would be remiss if we didn’t supply you with some predictions about who will win what, and how.  Today we begin our brief outlook with the NL West, where for the past two seasons mediocrity has ruled the day.

The Bottom

The Arizona Diamondbacks made a splash when they reacquired World Series Hero Randy Johnson.  Unfortunately for Randy and the Dbags, The Big Unit is merely a shadow of what he once was, and is now at best a number three starter.  The team cleaned house of a number of veterans, including Luis Gonzalez, and will struggle to put runs up on the board.  75 wins is a stretch for a team that will waste Brandon Webb’s fantastic arm for yet another season. 

Minute of Hate: New York Yankees

You probably didn’t read the first few Hurricanes are for Drinking Minutes of Hate (although it won’t be hard to catch up), in which we take a purely malevolent look at each team’s offseason. Today’s victims are the New York Yankees.

The Yankees are the only team in American professional sports that are annually the favorite to win their respective championship.  The owner, George “likes his chicken spicy” Steinbrenner is as unpredictable and explosive as they come, and is extremely unsatisified unless his team captures a World Series.  This has led the team to make a number of short-sighted moves in the past, a strategy that netted them no World Series titles.   Since the four year “Yankee Dynasty” of the 1990s, the team has become far more hateable then one could have ever imagined. 

Minute of Hate: New York Yankees

You probably didn’t read the first few Hurricanes are for Drinking Minutes of Hate (although it won’t be hard to catch up), in which we take a purely malevolent look at each team’s offseason. Today’s victims are the New York Yankees.

The Yankees are the only team in American professional sports that are annually the favorite to win their respective championship.  The owner, George “likes his chicken spicy” Steinbrenner is as unpredictable and explosive as they come, and is extremely unsatisified unless his team captures a World Series.  This has led the team to make a number of short-sighted moves in the past, a strategy that netted them no World Series titles.   Since the four year “Yankee Dynasty” of the 1990s, the team has become far more hateable then one could have ever imagined. 

Scripted Sumo!

Every guy in the U.S age 18 to 36 watched WWF wrestling at some point during their childhood.  The action is beleivable enough that, unless someone spoiled the fun for them, they probably thought it was real.  Over time however, it became clear it was all just a show, the matches,  specifically the punches, kicks, and assortment of pile drivers and power bombs were too unrealistic for anyone to beleive otherwise.  Apparently Japan has better sports entertainers then the U.S., because until today, everyone I know thought Sumo Wrestling was for real.

It seems that Sumo, just like the WWE, is scripted.  Japan’s annual spring sumo tournament in Osaka is their version of March Madness, and the modern day Muhammad Ali of Sumo - Asashoryu, is apparently a big fat faker. “Asa”, winner of 20 straight tournaments, is a national phenomenom in Japan.  He is revered by giggling school girls and the men who buy their panties from vending machines, and he has been bribing his opponents in an effort to keep his win streak alive. 

Nothing like a good old fashioned scandal to start the weekend…