We Now Have Proof

LSU. Louisiana State University, home of the Tigers (otherwise known as Pussycats), half retarded swamp coonasses who can’t spell the word “Go,” the absolute worst fans in the NCAA, and purple wearing homosexuals.

That’s right all you purple wearing LSU losers out there, we now have proof of what all of us at Tulane already knew, not only are you dumber than dirt, but you are gay.  As if the purple didn’t give it away already.  Now the coach of the tenth ranked women’s basketball team, and holder of a 90-14 career record, including one Final Four appearance, over three years has resigned after LSU officials discovered that she allegedly had inappropriate conduct with players.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  Looks like Coach Chatman Pokeyed in the wrong place.  This lifetime Pussycat had to step down because she was messing around with her players!!!  Now we all know what LSU really stands for, and it isn’t Louisiana State University.  Try Lesbian State University!!

Fags.

The Weekly Lopez: Dale Earnhardt Jr.

There was a time in the not-so-distant past, when Mario Lopez was the baddest man on the block. As Saved by the Bell’s A.C. Slater, Lopez ran roughshod over Bayside High, dominated high school sports in a Chitwood-esque fashion, and turned cute little Jessie Spano into a cock-loving whore (the world owes him a debt of gratitude for that one). But since the end of Saved by the Bell, Lopez’s career has floundered, as he has bounced around from project to project, including stints on Animal Planet, Pacific Blue, and the Bold and the Beautiful. Let’s not forget Lopez’s Amaechian tendencies, with roles in the Greg Lougainis made-for-tv biopic, the View, and Wetback Mountain. Clearly, Lopez’s career following Saved by the Bell has tarnished the memory of A.C. Slater; one could even say that A.C. Slater would be better off had he not been entrusted to Mario Lopez. This award, like its namesake, and the month in which it debuted, is designed to celebrate those who enter like a lion, and leave like a lamb.

This week’s Lopez goes to: Dale Earnhardt Jr.

After struggling through the 2005 season, idling to a 19 place finish, Dale Jr. was reunited with his cousin/crew chief Tony Eury Jr. for the 2006 season. The cousins clicked from the second they were reunited, and stormed through 2006 to a 5th place finish. Good stuff indeed.

After racing back into championship contention last season, the #8 Team was expected to rise to the occasion and once again contend. However, off-season distractions have led to extreme media coverage that fans feared would affect the team throughout the season. First, Dale Jr.’s bitch (see the First Amendment) of a step mom questioned his commitment to racing. This from a money chasing bitch who is never at the race track, ever. In addition, this comment was made going into Dale Jr.’s last season under contract with DEI. King Budweiser’s response was to demand a controlling stake in his dad’s company. Without ownership, Dale Jr. will leave, and most believe he will land in his dad’s famed #3 Chevy, driving for Richard Childress. Expect sponsor Budweiser to follow him wherever he goes.

Local Redneck’s Take on the First Amendment

EDITOR’S NOTE: The local redneck screamed this from the proverbial cross upon which he was being metaphorically crucified. He was defending his right to question the sexual preference of certain NASCAR drivers, and decrying the use of disclaimers at the beginning of his articles. Unlike many news sources (read: professional ones), Hurricanes are for Drinking respects the rights of our authors to publicly question our policies. Besides, this is a satire-based website, and we are certainly fair game.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
— The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution

December 15, 1791 shall go down in history as one of the most important days in the history of not only America, but the world.  This was the day the Bill of Rights was ratified by the state of Virginia, resulting in the majority of the states to ratify the Bill, and putting it into effect.  Eeeewwwwww, what a day, what a day!!!!!!

For the first time, we Americans had written documentation of many of the freedoms that have endured the times.  The foresight of our forefathers was amazing, as this great document and successive amendments formed the US Constitution, by which all law is based.

One of the most important, and challenged, freedoms we as Americans have is the freedom of speech.  Overtime Americans have said and done many things, both good and bad, true and false, that have been protected under the First Amendment.  This is because whether we like it or not, all Americans are created equally.  Therefore, we are all protected and have the right to say whatever we want.

However, over the years court cases have challenged the First Amendment and certain exceptions have been written into law.  For example, defamation, in which false statements written about someone are published, and can cause harm to that person, is not protected under the Freedom of Speech.  This is a very touchy subject for many Americans, as there is often times a fine line between what is defamation and what is a true hard fact.  There are those among us who are scared to walk this line.  This is true for our editor.

Recently, articles have been written on this great site containing true facts about certain individuals.  The great authors of these articles have come under fire for their factual statements.  The editor has threatened to censor their posts if they do not allow him to look over said posting first.  Let me get this straight.  Authors post true facts, editor wants to approve of these facts, and wants to censor touchy subjects at his will. The author might not get posted if the editor doesn’t like their facts!!

Ain’t this America??  Are we not protected by the Constitution with the Freedom of Speech?  I think we are.  And as an American, I bleed Red, White, and Blue, and will continue to walk the line with my posts.

To the editor I say, GO TO CUBA YOU COMMUNIST!!!