Uncle Sunil’s Brutal Gambling Addiction: NHL Playoff Preview Extravaganza (Handicapping the Eastern Conference)

Every family has that one degenerate gambaholic uncle, the one who was sneaking you beers when you were ten years old, or who split that 8-ball with you on the last family vacation. Born of my never ending quest to one day be that uncle, I present my gambling picks for the NHL Playoffs. These picks are for entertainment purposes only. In fact, you shouldn’t gamble. Ever. Your parents will put me in Shitsville.

Last week, I handicapped the NHL Western Conference. I will refrain subjecting you to another speech about how hockey gambling is an untapped market, ripe for the pickings of serious degenerate gambaholics. The truth is, the hard-core gambaholics bet on everything (250-1 on Arnold Schwarzenegger being elected President, going once). So I’m not telling them anything that they didn’t already know. Powered by Wild Turkey, the workingman’s performance enhancing drug (and no love lost for Will Carroll’s introductory styles), here is one gambler’s preview of the Eastern Conference (that is, if I lived in a nation where gambling was legal, which I don’t).

Uncle Sunil’s Brutal Gambling Addiction: NHL Playoff Preview Extravaganza (Handicapping the Western Conference)

Every family has that one degenerate gambaholic uncle, the one who was sneaking you beers when you were ten years old, or who split that 8-ball with you on the last family vacation. Born of my never ending quest to one day be that uncle, I present my gambling picks for the NHL Playoffs. These picks are for entertainment purposes only. In fact, you shouldn’t gamble. Ever. Your parents will put me in Shitsville.

Anybody can bet on cute events like the Super Bowl, the Pro Bowl, or the NCAA Tournament. That stuff’s child’s play. The real degenerate gambaholics look for the true scoring opportunities, like the NHL playoffs. It’s stylish to complain about the NHL playoffs, about how they are too long, and too many teams participate. These complainers clearly aren’t gamblers. More games and more teams mean more opportunities for parlays and payouts. In short, the NHL playoffs are a gambler’s wet dream, an untapped market with plenty of opportunities to make some big bucks. Remember, just because players in the NHL don’t get paid during the playoffs doesn’t mean you can’t. That is if you live in a country where sports-gambling is legal, which I don’t, so these picks are just for entertainment purposes.